So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
