At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
