You're so nebulous sometimes
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
