i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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