I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
