you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
