you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
