Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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