Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize