The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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