We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
