Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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