i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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