There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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