So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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