If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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