remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
