Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize