I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
