There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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