we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
