My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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