I have demons in me.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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