The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
