he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How does it feel to date your dad?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
