As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
