True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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