Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
