I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
