just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
