I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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