dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
