Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
