I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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