he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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