Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
