dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
