Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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