you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
