The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
