I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
