now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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