So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So many bounce houses so little time
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
