If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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