I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
