I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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