I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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