you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
