I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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