I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
