yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
