Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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