morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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