I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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