your thong is hanging out like whoa
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
