So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
