So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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