Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm bleeding and have questions
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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